Playground

[how are you?]

yes.This exact question which seems couldn't be more common and daily is without any doubts my lifetime most hateful and disgusted one,also the one that I feel absolute absence of any sorts of proper responses.

[how are you doing?]

What is the proper and most politically right and satisfying way for both sides to answer this quetion?I'm fine thank you and you?Not bad?average?terrible?...No matter in what way you answer this question,it will eventually become the most hollow and perfunctory answer on the face of the earth.are there really some humankind out there who sincerely think they are doing well in a constant and not even one sec off the track way?For me,my state of being can only be distinguished by the time of a day and it could change dramatically every second.(damn women!)The truth is...I felt terrific the moment I woke up this morning.I felt that I was in love.I felt warm and secure.But since the time I got up from the bed,I sank into the genuinely common regular depression of mine.I felt down and insecure like a fearsome little girl for god knows what reason.And now,at the most ordinary saturday midnight,I am back to the regular peaceful calm me again.(regular youyou?lol)

I just simply don't know how to answer [how are you?] this question and I've been trying my best to avoid asking people.I am walking forward in my life with a bunch of angels and demonds.I physically cannot tell anyone that [how am i doing] cause I really don't know what time they are gonna jump out of my body and play the mind tricks on me.

If the question is simply about the curiosity of the pure information of my life i.e what I've been up to or even just have I had my lunch,I still wouldn't know how to respond cause I generally feel frustrated about offering pure information about myself.I've never been interested in recording my daily activities of any sorts or any simple facts of persons' detailed life and absolutely no capability of offering them.Giving out the detail of my life will only make me experience the pale lightness and absurd existence of being.Not mention I would feel like my existence based on these stastical information like a mass production machine or product introduction handbook.

Or should I say..cause such a question always evokes the existential crisis in me.

不知是最近压力过重还是烟酒生涯最终捱到了报应这一说，此刻肠炎告急，一抽气一扭动皆有一丝一缕一股痛气直窜胸口。于是让我现在来稳重地探讨下语言和幽默感的问题。[有逻辑关系么？没有。]

作为一个目前不停转换在几种语言的多语者[也不外乎就英语普通话四川话以及外出巴黎小小法语而已= =]，语言本身所具有的与其文化所对应的性格导致了其使用者不同的驾驭手法与感知体系，我们会将那种语言文化慢慢吸取进入自己的表达应对系统，所谓多重语言导致了不同的性格特征展现。尤以目前本人的情况相较复杂。英文分为与本地人交流的所谓更为正统英语式表达以及与各位亚洲友人各种心照不宣的亚洲式文化共通偏亚glish表达。普通话也分为与北京友人交流的京式er贫嘴插科打诨风格以及与台湾与内地其它各同胞偏南方温婉软语式南普风。当然还有四川话[很庆幸班上有两位可以以家乡话交流的贵州人里欧同学与同为四川人的埃瑞克同学]。

大体来讲，说英文的时候，我会更直接更开放更言简意赅直切重点，感情表达更加奔放外露，相应肢体动作也会丰富许多。讲中文时则会收敛许多，特别在书面表达上会用心思虑语言的视觉听觉观赏性，用词更加端正，会更把玩中文文字的特点文字游戏常见于表达中。于是穿梭各个语言就如同按转换开关一样，免不了就有按错的可能。鉴于身处环境异常杂糅，经常就会体验到如同眼见pull却使劲push以及永远分不清房间浴室灯开关的状况各种。各种语言各种风格中游刃自如穿梭换航当然非常人所能驾轻就熟，本人资质驽钝于是情况之凶险杂糅非切身经历者不能体会。哑然断电几秒和对着外国友人吼四川话的情形诸多事例让我不禁想高唱尴尬了。角色扮演及性格转换这种我本就具有的倾向当然也就被这种无可避免的情形更多的激发释放出来，蓬勃生长得不亦乐乎。

关于humor。听一个脱口秀节目上一comedian讲笑话笑得心有戚戚焉，因为惊觉他和我有一模一样的幽默。比如，他住在纽约。他说去度假，要找地方寄养家里的狗。找了半天，一个女士要价75美元一天。什么，75美元一天？你在开玩笑？他大叫。放心，我会给你的狗很多很多love&attention。[how about just keep him alive, no love&attention, 25 bucks per day?]哈哈哈我说太可笑了，那家伙和我的幽默感一模一样。然后dick同学就说[so mean… ]yeah, but i’m mean. and i’m not ashamed of it! 所谓幽默感这个东西，真是微妙，是社会学范畴。比如，同样的节目，那些黑人哥哥们说的街头式玩笑，我就不会觉得很好笑。另外，我越来越听不懂中国式插科打诨式的笑话了，比如小品。纯粹耍贫。我发现我笑不起来了。面对不属于自己的幽默感，就好像隔着一层磨砂玻璃，影影绰绰，看得见影，但终究不真切清晰。我喜欢很神经质地讲话，有刻薄，有讽刺，也有自嘲。那是我的款式的幽默。伍迪爱伦那种纽约东区知识分子式神经质的sarcasm让我觉的很好笑，很心有戚戚。但同样是中产阶级，英国式干涩的黑色幽默，我却总觉得有些许距离。很多时候，我觉得我的幽默感，就像我的多愁善感一样，太小资产阶级到让我自己都无趣与生厌，但却怎么摆脱不了，怎么也跳不出自己的那个壳。我只熟悉一种生活和一种趣味，那就是我的壳，我的归属感，和我的局限。

再稳重再巍然都快窝成雕塑了我的肠痛还是阴魂不散。我去。还是放任自流出门遛弯去了。

本周末大事记：

1.new short hair cut!

2.FIRST real cooking here~

3.２盘桌球进６球

4.on the way of nailing down rolling cigarettes

5. Parkinson building nite picnic

I ROCK!!!    

英国湿嗒嗒风嗥嗥的鬼天气终于隆重登场。期待已久的千年不遇极冻冬天伴随着下午三四点已然天黑的诡异节奏悄然奏响。

在这抑郁与寂寞的冬天本人无法停止抽烟与进食与topshop疯狂采购。

freshman fifteen马上面临double。

双眼已失去sparkle浓重的黑眼圈everyday仅靠着一对三色灰contacts撑场面。

贞贞一如既往爽到无边。日本友人继续极品。

与某人继续不咸不淡尴尬尴尬。与英国友人培养革命友谊中。

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?im so fucking cold now。。。

anyway。又开始了作可怜状博取同情以换回若干安全感的游戏。只是这次侥幸希望久了别人不会麻痹。

感情浓烈需即时宣泄如我怎能压抑按奈情绪任由其拖拉至如斯境地？如是，寄情于食物矣。

好歹冬季降临。黑丝已然退出舞台。裹严实老老实实上课交作业才是王道。放任自流罢。

衷心希望事情明朗之际我还未憋闷至死。哽咽在喉的东西果然还是咽下抑或吐出最为舒坦。

歌颂奶油歌颂自由。噢也

this is my beautiful partner...someone almost had a crush on her during this shooting...

浓妆艳抹all dressed up雷人的我以及我身后没得好muscle的印度兄弟。no clue我们在干啥挖？

其实只是一场自嗨的摄影课广告秀。

And the theme will be...   [get the power!]  

谁要充满内在美？

第一眼最重要。

一只蛹就是一只蛹。

谁知道里头有蝴蝶。

姐说我半年一博。念此于旧电脑头翻出几张老照片与君同赏。

最近真是垂垂老矣诶哟喂。

我不肯定或否定。任何一種決絕的態度從而產生的極端選擇結局都讓人沮喪。我又经常肯定一切或否定所有。这些决绝的态度推动事物的发展也带来自我惩罚或曰自虐的某种血液自踵至顶的快感。在其中的細枝末節權益得失都能細數的情況下。仍擺出一副不明事故欠多還少的委屈感而愤恨无比汗毛立起身体蜷缩成战斗姿势以自我保护。這就是我处理感情的方式。

一個出神。竟然已到年關。念及去年此时。不禁感慨物似人非。縫隙充滿時間和空間。悄無聲息的抽離你以為已牢牢攥在手心的人。事。物。

圣人不好当。你有苦衷有压力童年阴影罄竹难书生活困苦前途无望我也样样完备。我只能说dude your perspective on life sucks。誰又有義務拯救谁取悅誰。即便拯救了取悅了又如何。這個世界并非非黑即白。自投羅網、深陷其中、垂死掙扎才是我們酷噬。縱使回歸原位就重又糾結于那些無藥可救的死穴、注定無疾而終的投入、所有自欺欺人的臆想及魔咒般輪回的失敗。

oh dear。千山萬水沿路風景多么美。也比不上在你身邊徘徊。

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck！！！